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a renewal of what this marriage is supposed to be." First step: Be realistic.If you're looking for the swept-off-your feet sex of those first few years, dream on. Three years later, you'll have the same sizzle-less marriage you have right now.Signs you're in the marital doldrums: "You're leading parallel lives, and don't see each other anymore," she tells Web MD."You tell everything important to your friends but not to each other.It may not happen all the time, but it happens often.It's because people start to feel neglected, disappointed.Those are really big problems, and you've got to tend to them." A sharp tongue is a red flag of growing frustration in a passionless marriage, Schwartz adds."If you're bitchy, if you treat each other with contempt, it's a warning sign.
"You have to give up fantasy notions that he or she is suddenly going to be 20 pounds lighter with no cellulite. We need to have sex, the same as we do other things that are important to us.Very often, couples are headed toward a bigger disconnect in the marriage -- and possibly divorce, says Pepper Schwartz, Ph D, professor of sociology, psychiatry, and behavioral medicine at the University of Washington in Seattle.Schwartz is on the Health Advisory Board at Web MD, and author of several books including Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.You're not going to alcohol or cocaine treatment classes. Realizing all that, your job is to get out of the doldrums.You may have gotten into a rut." There's more at stake than simply boredom.